We’ve all typed our name into Google to see what comes up, right? Oh, you know you’ve done it. We all have. I was perusing stories online today and some Hollyweirdo was saying she Yahooed herself. I’d never heard anyone say that, so I tried it.
Yahoo was all, “Honey, I don’t know you, don’t nobody else know you, and unless you’re fixing to get famous and change your gender for all the world to witness, ain’t nobody got time for you.”
So I went slinking back, shoulders slumped, tail tucked firmly betwixt my legs, to knock upon the door of my old buddy Google to see if he remembered me. Of course he did! He flung open that door and I gazed in amazement at a room FILLED with information about little old me. Oh, Google. You shouldn’t have.
No, really. You shouldn’t have. I think he might have remembered a little more about me than I’d like. Bastard all but put a big red flashing arrow over my house on a map guiding the masses directly to my front door.
Then I thought I’d see what would happen if I selected the Images option on the page.
Horse of a different color.
So much to see. And, oddly, none of it me.
First of all, apparently my good friend Google thinks I have an unnatural affinity for creepy dolls, because many images like this come up when you punch in my name:
And is it just me or is this doll destined to grow up to be Walter?
And I’m pretty sure Walter was patterned after our VP:
I do own a book called Creepy-ass Dolls:
but I bought it because I find old dolls, well, pretty damn creepy, and stumbling upon this book at Border’s closing sale was like discovering a friend who shared my innermost thoughts but even took it a step further by adding hilarious captions. I’m mildly jealous that I didn’t think of it first, but I am grateful I didn’t have to hunt down all those frightening dolls and take their pictures.
Because that’s nightmare material right there. See for yourself.
I also found this couple on there. Do you think someone from my past is going to wonder if this is me and my camera-loving man?
I wonder if anyone will think this lady is me:
Wowzers. Somebody really liked geometry class.
Go Google your face and see what comes up. Feel free to share in the comments what you find if it isn’t you.
Dear Cos (Cosmos 2 just seems so formal),
You’ve served me well. We’ve been together now, what–two, three years?
So many calls, so many texts. Good times.
Sure, when I saw this screen:
and waited in anticipation of a fun message from a friend, I knew there was a good chance it would be followed by this message:
as the transmission came to a screeching halt, because you decided it was all too much for you and your basic-ness to handle. Meh. Probably wasn’t a very interesting picture anyway.
I’m also sure you tried your best to interpret what those emojis were when you drew little squares on my screen. I just used my imagination and smiled knowing you probably decided they weren’t worth my time. It’s like you were my personal screener. That was so cool.
The way you slid open to accommodate my texting needs was very modern, too. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
Don’t even get me started on your resilience. I always marveled at your ability to pull yourself together and move on after I’d dropped you for the 50th time on the concrete of the sidewalk or garage floor, and you lay splayed, battery and cover each claiming their own personal space in the world. No whining about a broken screen for you. Nope. You just dusted yourself off and dialed again.
And the funny way you always thought I wanted to say a command each time I slid you into my purse. Oh, how we laughed when you demanded to know the command five or six times, as I fumbled to silence you.
I’m sure Allison appreciated your thinking of her when you would call her on your own, too. Dialing with nary a digit or derriere in sight. That takes talent. Mad dialing skillz–that’s always been your gig.
Listen. As fun as it’s been, I’ve decided it’s time to move on.
Please know it’s not you–it’s me.
I’ve been, um, kinda checking out this other phone. I’m sorry, but I just couldn’t resist the sleek profile and shiny shell:
I just don’t think it would be fair to you for us to continue when I have these strong feelings for another phone. You deserve better than half-hearted feelings.
Well, Cos, we’ll keep you around in case the kids want to take you out for a spin at some point, but as of today, we’re splitsville. We’ll always have our contacts to look back on. Hmm. Well, I suppose I’ll probably be needing those.
Oh, for the love of the man. It looks like that transfer will be tedious:
Oops! We can’t find any supported transfer applications for this device combination. Contacts from the old device will need to be manually typed into the new device.
Shh. Don’t listen. You’re not old. You’re a classic.
Anyhoo, take care. You’re a good phone who did a respectable job. Except for the pictures and groups emails you refused to accept, but whatever. You’re good. Really. You are.
This is awkward.
Last night marked the end of season 5 of Downton Abbey, and I have to say I thought this season was a bit less exciting than previous ones. Still , it was Downton, and I was glued to every episode. Were you?
First, it was fun to focus on Daisy’s enlightenment this season. She’s one of my favorite characters. It was good to see her confidence grow as she studied and got out a little to see what lay beyond the kitchen doors. It was the sweetest thing to see Mrs. Patmore fall to pieces when Daisy announced she wanted to leave to find work in London. Then that heartwarming moment when Daisy said she was staying for now… so sweet. They do make a nice team:
So. Over. This. Storyline.
Have a baby already.
Mary has taken bitchy to a whole nuvva level this season. She’s always been last in line with kind words for Edith, but she just seems downright nasty this season. And two dimensional. Zzzz. Ooh, except for when she showed great interest in the new character who went hunting with the family and he didn’t give her the time of day. Now THAT is the kind of challenge Lady Mary needs!
Edith, on the other hand!
Edith running off with Marigold!
Edith bringing her beloved Marigold to Downton!
Edith getting that much needed acceptance from her father when he let her know he’d figured out the deal with Marigold!
The only thing that would have made that moment better would have been a hug. Seriously. Why are these people not hugging it out?
Not sure what I think about the Naughty Thomas being nice and then being a nice kind of naughty to help out the family. Wait, what?
I just noticed this season how they seem to have made the kids at Downton look like mini-me versions of their late parents:
Some characters departed this season. First, RIP, Isis. I hope it wasn’t your name that caused your character to be pulled. All you ever wanted was a seat by the fire, right?
Glad to see Tom’s friend, Sarah, take her leave. Ugh. Don’t let the door hit you, sweetie:
Glad to see this guy go as well. Could you even have imagined the very prim and properly coiffed Lady Violet with this long-haired Angry Russian? Now we won’t have to:
Sad to say good bye to these… I mean him:
I love the friendship between these two. I think Carson’s proposal was my favorite moment all season:
Did you have any favorite moments this season? What did I leave out?
Ah, guilty pleasures. They’re the sometimes embarrassing but totally awesome things in life we enjoy in the privacy of our own homes. Where nobody can judge.
It was also one of Mama Kat’s rad vlogging prompts, and I decided it was about time for a vlog up in this blog. And a confessional of sorts. Because it’s somehow freeing to admit how much we love a healthy serving of trash TV, dorky songs, and some good old TMZ-style dirt. Here is a list of the Guilty Pleasures Youtube Tag:
What is your guilty pleasure…
1. TV Show.
9. Game on your phone.
[Sidebar: I just looked at this list again and realized I edited #9 out of the video. Whoops! Answer: Wheel of Fortune. I blame it on the cough syrup. Also, left out a Youtube fave: Bianco Del Rio’s series, “Really, Queen?” Yep. Another drag queen. She’s like the Don Rickles of Drag. Love her.]
Need some wholesome fun while clearing the cache in your grey matter? Try making your own list like mine or like The Whispering Writer at Airing my Dirty Laundry. She got the groovy idea from Glamour Mag. You can add your own thoughts in comments or head to her pad and link to your own dang blahg. Easy peasy, babe. It’s a list of things to be okay about. Kinda like telling the barista at Starbucks waaaay more about your love life than they ever needed to know, minus the uncomfortable silence that follows. It’s just us friends. I’ll go first:
Hey, It’s Okay!
That I had the forms all printed out that we need to sign for our taxes and somebody went and put their greazy chicken thigh stamp of approval on them (note to self: don’t put important papers on dinner table). Can’t have the tax lady thinking we’re piggies. Back to the printer…
To be excited that our taxes (minus the signatures) are done. Thanks tax lady!
To have a stack of books staring in my general direction as I binge watch shows on Netflix (mind your bidness, books).
To find when faced with really important life decisions, I feel like I a cotton-headed ninnymuggins. Where’s the manual for this stuff?
To be amazed that after weeks of releasing fur, Rummy continues to drop hairs faster than Swizz drops Beatz. Seriously. It just doesn’t stop. I think she’s morphing into another dog.
That I’m too tired to unscramble all the spelling words The Girly’s teacher made them mix up and hand to their parents. Seriously? Who is learning from this?
To be kinda “meh” about Downton Abbey this season. Mr. and Mrs. Bates need a fresh story line. STAT.
To be amused enough about two of the members of Dancing With the Stars to maybe tune in a few times: Redfoo & Robert Herjavec. Love that Shark Tank. Too bad they couldn’t get Mr. Wonderful to dance.
What are you okay about this week? C’mon. Don’t be shy.
I assume you’ve already either watched the Oscars telecast or read about it online today, so I won’t comment much, except to say that I was underwhelmed by the job Neil Patrick Harris did as host. I did laugh out loud when J. K. Simmons won an award and, as the actor exited the stage, NPH said, “He just won an Oscar–Ba ba da bum bum bum bum,” in reference to the actor’s side job as pitch man for Farmer’s Insurance.
There are a lot of movies I’m eager to see once they go to video (The Imitation Game, Birdman, and The Theory of Everything to name a few), though now that awards have been handed out, I’m sure there will be quite a wait. May have to catch a few matinees this spring.
Between binge watching TV shows, I have managed to catch a few movies. I recently rewatched one of my all-time faves, Amelie. There were so many details about it I’d forgotten since I last watched it. Such a gem! So many quirky delights such as this scene where a photo booth strip talks to one of the film’s characters. Obviously, it’s far funnier with English subtitles, but I couldn’t find it online. The concept of it alone was incredibly clever even if you can’t discern what they’re saying. The fact that he conversed with this character and his photographic clones so earnestly made it all the more amusing:
I also finally saw a movie a friend has been recommending for a while, Chef. I’d say it’s worth a watch on Netflix–sweet story. Have snacks on hand–this one will make you hungry! Here’s a peek at the story line:
What are your thoughts on the Oscars? Any movies you’ve seen lately that you loved?