When I was reading through Mama Kat’s list of writing prompts for the week, I stopped short when I read this one:
2.) Thongs that make you happy.
I thought to myself, “Why would Mama Kat want to know about my preference for undergarments?” Huh. Well, who am I to wonder such things. If it’s happy thongs she wants, it’s happy thongs she’ll get.
So I composed a list of thongs that made me smile, and it goes something like this (feel free to sing along to the tune of “My Favorite Things” from The Sound of Music if you’re feeling musical today):
Princess skirts rising–Natives nearly fainted, thong skirt that cuts up an arse that’s been painted,
Prince William bends down while he keeps eye contact,
these are a few of my favorite thongs…
*short musical interlude*
A twig and two berries in some kind of cosi,
A knitted contraption that leaves your cheeks rosy:
Grandmas that knit things that I find just wrong:
These are a few of the scariest thongs:
Tacky Girl thongs!
Walmart man thongs:
Now I’m feeling scaaaaaaared
I think I’ll quit singing this creepy thong song
Cuz it’s starting to beeeeeeee sooooo baaaaaaaad!
And that, children, is my song about thongs that make me happy.
Erm, what’s that? It said what?
2.) Things that make you happy.
Oh! THINGS that make you happy!
I’ve been blogging for about six years now, and I still often feel like a newbie when it comes down to some of the techie stuff.
I’ve had a subscription feature near the top of my right column for what seems like forever, and I’m just now realizing the dang thing doesn’t seem to work (thanks for the head’s up, B and Pedro).
That’s where YOU come in, my beloved reader! I know some people use RSS feeds, but if you don’t, and you’d enjoy getting a sweet email from me when I post, plug in your email address over there to the right of this post, and click the button to make it happen.
It will be just like we’re back in study hall and I’m passing you a note that I carefully folded into a triangle and flicked onto your desk with my thumb and middle finger.
Except this note won’t be professing my undying love for a boy in senior high. And we won’t have the benefit of seeing him 20 years later, balding with a beer belly.
I don’t even know where I’m going with this anymore.
I guess last Monday’s edition (which proves what a lame-o blogger I’ve been, since it’s only two posts back on here) was kinda the same thing where I took my little cinema lobby broom and whisked you back outside to save you from spending half your paycheck on a sticky movie seat, a whale-worthy bag of stale popcorn, a sooper-sized soda (’cause it’s only a nickel more), and Junior Mints (which will forever remind me of the Seinfeld surgery scene). Because I care. And I’m cheap.
This one is different, though, because they’re something you can watch in the privacy (Say that like the Brits do with the soft “i.” It’s way more fun) of your own home. Well, one is something you shouldn’t watch, because you’d be better off scrubbing that ring out of the terlit or bedazzling your toenails.
First, the don’t: The Five-Year Engagement. Uh mah gah, we will never get that hour and a half back. And we didn’t watch the whole thing. Sometimes we’ll skip ahead to the end of a bad movie to see how it turns out, but we simply didn’t care enough about these characters to even peek at the ending.
They could have all been lying in a pool of their own fluids at the end for all we know.
We were just happy that they’d left our TV screen.
Leonard Maltin found the characters believable and endearing, but he also looked all wide-eyed and crazy like, so don’t believe him. They were neither believable nor endearing, and they made me want to go all stabbity on the TV.
Leonard even mentions that Jason Segal co-wrote and starred in The Muppet Movie that I praised so highly last week, which makes it even more odd that this was so sucktastic, but there it is.
Now for the Do: Frozen! Yes, I know it’s an animated kiddie movie, but they always dapple them with plenty of giggles for the adults, and you seriously need to join me in breaking into song whenever you utter the words, “Let it go.” That will diffuse any heavy crap you have going on. Plus the reindeer is totes adorbs. See? Now I’m talking like one of the kids. You will too. Other adults will love you for it.
And by “love you for it,” I mean they will want to high five you. On your forehead. With a chunky-ass shoe.
Please tell me what I should rent next…
Who doesn’t love the Muppets?! Well, now that we’re putting that question right out there, my kids don’t. That’s who. I guess it’s a generational thing. They find Beaker creepy, which I just can’t compute, but I’ll win them over eventually. I caught The Girly giggling at the Highlander commercial starring the Muppets, so I know there’s hope.
When The Muppets came out in 2001 (holy cow, I would have seriously said it was last year if I hadn’t just looked it up on IMDB. I need to get out more), I splurged and went to the theatre to see it. We don’t do a lot of theatre trips, just because there aren’t often many movies out that warrant that price tag for us. But that movie did not disappoint.
We howled. We hooted. We sat through all the credits and begged for more. We left the theatre still chuckling, as we relived the highlights of the film.
The newest Muppet flick? Not so much. I love me some Liz Lemon, but I wasn’t McLovin’ Tina Fey in this role. The funniest scene with her was shown in the previews, so even that didn’t tickle mah funneh bone. Bummer, too, because I had high hopes. There is a pretty decent Swedish Chef scene and some good Beaker moments, as well as a few chuckles as the Russian Kermie imposter attempts to sounds like Kermit, but that’s about it.
I’d say it’s worth a Redbox rental when it comes out, but steer clear of the theatre for now and keep your cash for the froyo place. The one that opened up most recently here has Cap’n Crunch in their toppings lineup.
Mmm. Cap’n Crunch.
Just watch the roof of your mouth. (does that happen to everyone with that cereal?)
If you’re hankering for some Muppet fun, go back and watch this one instead:
In mah fridge.
Well, technically, we got rid of the fridge, so I have no idea what it’s doing in there now, but it isn’t raining in the new fridge, and that’s a good thing.
Ooh, Wombat–please tell us more about this fridge!
Clearly I’ve left you far too hungry for new posts here, since you find fridge chat titillating. Very well, then. I’ll oblige.
Water/ice in door
Fridge pretty roomy
Freezer capacity roughly that of my navel
No raindrops in sight in this model. I am pleased.
Good Lawd, I’m blogging about my new appliance.
Perhaps I should show you a pic of what I had for lunch while I’m at it.
Except that I didn’t have lunch on account of the fact that I was CLEANING ALL THE THINGS! on the fridge, and that took me a while. Then I had to go retrieve all the cold/frozen things from other peoples’ fridges and freezers, since I was without an appliance for several hours.
Now Mr. Wombat has to hook up the water line. I didn’t want Mister Dirty Hands delivery dude to do it, because–ick. They were both very nice and polite, but… dirty hands guy just wasn’t on the invite list to my water filter install party. No hard feelings, delivery dude.
Not only were they polite, neither one asked to use the restroom, which was a plus. Because I would have had to tell them how the Stanley Steemer guy ruined that privilege for every service person for the next 100 years.
I’m always careful these days not to get too chatty with service guys lest they begin to feel comfortable enough in my home to request a bathroom visit. Because that’s just never going to happen again, any and all who follow Stanley Steemer man through the door.
Here was a surprising and impressive portion of the delivery–they didn’t use an appliance dolly. How 2013 that would be! Instead, they pulled on a set of oompa loompa straps and carried that rain-filled summabetch right out the door! Then they strapped on the new one and waddled right into mah kitchen!
Here’s a picture I found of the straps. Holy hallucinations–it’s a lady hauling a dryer! Good on ya, girl!
Also, her hair is perfectly coifed for the move. She’s awesome.
Next up: Just call me Mother of the Year